Once you’re in your 40s or 50s, you’ve probably experienced your fair share of ups and downs in life, particularly when it comes to dating.
u/coffeenodonuts posted on the Ask Women subreddit to collect some responses to the question: “Women of Reddit in their 40s and 50s, what’s the biggest tip you would give to women dating in their 20s?” It might be difficult to recognize your boundaries and wants or needs when you’re just 20 years old.
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Settling
Never give in. In my opinion, settling is one of the worst errors people make. You become mentally and physically exhausted.
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Being single is OK
Under no circumstances should you ever think that you would never be able to meet someone who will treat you better than the shitheads you’ve been lamenting about. I have faith you will. If you engage in sexual activity during dating, get checked frequently for STIs. Never anticipate any relationship to be flawless. With the appropriate individual, there just won’t be as much of it.
Other than your own, no one else’s expectations apply to you. The pressure from others is quite stupid. You don’t owe your prospective spouse your “purity” or anything else, nor do you owe your parents’ grandkids.
Looks ultimately go away. Choose a spouse who you adore for their character and principles. Ensure that you are also drawn to them physically, but refrain from making it your exclusive focus.
Being single is perfectly OK. Indeed, it is.
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No repairs
No matter what he says, you can’t fix him. He is choosing to act in that manner.
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Observe
You will regret not paying attention to anything your instinct is saying to you right now.
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If you’re searching…
You already know the answer if you have to ask “Should I” (separate, stay, whatever).
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Engage in conflicts
Make your unhappiness known and deal with the repercussions, even if they mean ending the relationship.
Consider carefully your partner’s position and wants, yes, but also how much you are putting forth, what you are receiving, and whether you are content not just good, but content with the discrepancy.
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Intercourse
There is a lot of free and cheap intercourse.
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A lengthy list
A project is home renovations. It’s wise to leave the renovations of a wounded person to the professionals.
Violence can only be used once.
Make your decision when you are calm, and don’t change it as you are doing it.
Never accept an open drink unless you are with a girlfriend.
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Before the start
Find out what they have in store for the future before you even begin a relationship. Leave if they don’t line up with yours.
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Go after your goals
You only get one. Follow all of your aspirations. Don’t take anything from anyone and live the life you want.
And stop putting on makeup before going to bed. Every night, wash and moisturize your face.
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Watch
Have a look at how a man treats women who are not interested in him sexually. If you pay attention to this, misogynists will come out very quickly. They may trick you into believing they’re amazing, but they can’t help but treat women who aren’t fuckable like they have no worth.
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Very likely a cheater
Once a cheater, never a cheater again. Yet after cheating once, 98% of cheaters would do so again, therefore it’s probably best to leave.
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Enjoy life
Take your time settling down. Enjoy your life. See new places, meet people, and relish new experiences. Enjoy your alone time. Yes, you can travel with children, but what if your plans change once you have children?
The one thing I wish I’d done is to leave if you have a bad feeling about him. The gut is always right. If your gut isn’t urging you to grab him, ignore the advice of everyone around you. They don’t have to share a home with him
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Take care.
Establish a straightforward limit and observe their response. Move on if they choose to ignore it or make a big issue out of it.
Keep cash separate. Keep all of your bills apart. (Despite the court ruling, my ex unplugged my phone, removed me from the account, and refused to pay the gas payment for his house when I moved out.) Do not base your choices on your relationship. Need to relocate for a job in a different city? Do it. Need to travel yet he prefers to stay at home? You can travel alone or with a pal.
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Living with them
Do not get married or start a family until you have been dating with your partner for at least two years. You will discover a lot about them during that dating period, some of which may not be pleasant.
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Pay attention to your pals
Take advice from your pals. Most of the time, there is a valid explanation for why they don’t like him. Also, if you ever feel the need to justify something by saying that “he’s not always like this” or “he’s just having a terrible night,” that should raise a red flag. I’m putting together a collection of cautionary tales for my daughter to take to college.
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Determine what YOU desire.
Before you can locate someone who can meet your needs in a relationship, you must first determine what YOU want from a relationship. Aside from that, my husband warned me right away that most men aren’t out to get you. They want to win your favor, but they frequently make foolish choices in how to achieve so. Make sure you have carefully stated your requirements and expectations to him before getting upset with him for not providing them. Men can’t read our brains, no matter how much we’d like them to. Provide him with the means to succeed.
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On the other hand
If you have made it clear to them what you need in a relationship and they are still unable or unwilling to meet your needs, you will either need to part ways or make a compromise. Never be content with potential.
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Stay the same
Be close to your buddies. when you start dating, don’t vanish. Try to keep such connections alive. Keep up with your commitments to your family. If the potential spouse dislikes the characteristics that make you unique, they aren’t the one. Never attempt to alter who you are at your core for anyone.
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Build your character
Be a self-sufficient, fully grown adult before getting married. Live alone for a while and become financially secure. Even if you marry your college lover, you shouldn’t go straight from your parents to your husband.
