Family ties with In-laws
As his family lives abroad, OP’s boyfriend and she have been dating for a while but don’t get to see them very often. Family ties with in-laws can be very challenging. It makes sense to occasionally just grin and bear some of it, but what happens when one of these laws or customs goes counter to your own beliefs? You are being asked to enter a family with its own set of rules, traditions, and ideals that may not match your own. Oh my goodness, isn’t that like beginning the relationship from scratch?
I’ve been dating my boyfriend Eric (29M) for three years. I’ve met his family before, and they’re nice people. They reside in the nation where my boyfriend is from, so we don’t see them very often. For privacy concerns, I also don’t want to name any nations, however, my boyfriend and I both work in my nation despite having separate nationalities.
What Test?
The argument occurred on the last weekend of our visit. We have been looking at engagement rings and houses to move into together. We told his family about this while we were having dinner because it marks a significant development in our relationship (we are not engaged yet.) After expressing their joy for us, his parents and brothers’ youngest sibling suddenly inquired, “So is she going to take the test?”
What test, I enquired.
Oh, blah, blah, In essence, the MIL test is intended to determine whether a prospective daughter-in-law is “good enough” for their sons. things like cooking, maintaining a home, etc. OP considered this to be sexist and outdated.
Custom in his Family
To sum up, in the bf’s family, there is a custom where the potential MIL test evaluates prospective daughters-in-law to determine if they are suitable for their sons. His mother and aunts underwent the same examination. The examinations cover things like how well-mannered they are, how tidy their homes can be, and how well they can cook. Fundamentally, most people gain life skills during their early years. I thought it was absurd for the following reasons: 1. My partner should determine whether or not I am good enough for him. I don’t fall inside their target demographic, and 2. According to his mother, if you can’t be a decent housewife, you can’t be a good SAHW and SAHM, and she wants to make sure of that.
Truth leads to fight
And, yeah. It is. Flat up. The OP is aware that she is not a good cleaner and does not want to be a stay-at-home mother or wife. She simply can’t do it. She has alternative ways to handle the cleaning and other tasks. To be clear, his mother and the wives of all three of his siblings are SAHMs, and while I appreciate their decision, I am not giving up my job and under no circumstances gave my boyfriend the impression that I could concede that. I despise doing housework, and if I had to choose between having to do it myself and hiring help, I would always choose the latter. I revealed all of this to my boyfriend’s mother, which led to a fight that ultimately wrecked dinner and the rest of our visit.
Serious Drama
The OP declined to do the MIL test, which led to some major drama. Although the boyfriend has no problem with the OP not remaining at home, he suggested that she play the game with his family instead. Bf doesn’t care if I’m a SAHW or a working wife, but he believes I should have taken the MIL test anyway because “it’s only a test” and they wouldn’t have rejected me if I didn’t pass. He believes that I ought to have agreed to participate in this enjoyable custom, which everyone was looking forward to.
My boyfriend advised that I make this post since he believes I am the AH. You people will let me know if I’m a true asshole, I’m sure of it.
Wrapping Up
So the question is, was she mistaken? No, this is a stupid thing to do to someone joining a family, Reddit quickly responded. Another commenter said, “NTA. What examination will your lover undergo to demonstrate his suitability for you? “NTA. It comes off as quite patronizing and demeaning. You shouldn’t have to prove yourself to other people if your boyfriend already believes that you are good enough for him, said a third.
